University of Alaska Anchorage by Dan Savage I headed north last week to do Savage Love Live—a rapid-fire, slightly tipsy Q&A session—at the University of Alaska Anchorage. It was my third visit to UAA and it was a blast. All of the questions in this week’s column were submitted to me by UAA students and staffers. Should I go ahead...

The Sub’s Paradox by Dan Savage I am a 25-year-old gay man. Although I have always accepted my homosexuality and never really felt bad about it, recently I have been going through a hard time psychologically because I’m exposing myself to very graphic homophobic online content. There are blogs, online groups, and websites that cater to gay men...

Yet Another Chance for You to Solve Someone Else’s Problem When I asked about your most vexing marital problems, a reader wrote this: My hubby wanted to “just give me ideas” on how to change my eating habits and how I handle our dog. I wanted to hear none of it. Instead of listening to his suggestions, I mentally punched him in the face and...

Oh, and Mom: Can You Visit This Weekend? And Bring Your Steam Cleaner? Last night, I woke around 2 am to a scratching sound. I got out of bed to investigate. It was coming from my daughter’s room. That’s where the puppy sleeps. I opened the door and was greeted by the sickening smell of poop. I turned on the light. The puppy had been busy. Not only had she...

1. Try to Figure Out Who’s Right Many people tell me about a marriage problem and then they ask, “Do you think I’m right?” I often answer, “It doesn’t matter.” That’s because, for the vast majority of marital arguments, you’re both right. You have legitimate wants and needs – wants and needs that conflict with your partner’s wants and needs and...

In my study of Buddhism, I am learning to use everything in life as a lesson that helps me grow in patience, generosity, love, understanding and more. Called “Lojong Training,” these lessons allow me to transform hardship — a broken water heater, a leaking water bed, a home appraisal that is much lower than expected–into a life lesson that...